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Events (14) NonFiction (14) Blog (13) Poetry (13) Exploits (11) Fiction (9) Video (8) Dragon's Bane (6) China (5) Merchandise (5) PAST POST (5) DREAM (2) Meme (2) Rest In Peace (2)

Friday, June 5, 2020

PAST POST: Mean streets of Canton - 2013/11/13

Canton: Beware, there are morons on the streets tonight. I was nearly run off the road by some clown in a tan/white four door sedan. I didn't catch the plates. :( It happened RIGHT BEHIND A COP. The cop STOPPED at 6th and Market at a GREEN LIGHT! I had to swerve to the right to avoid getting creamed (if I had braked it would have been disastrous). The car (the one I was driving) hit the curb and about 19th and Market the tire started to give out so we had to turn off to change it.

So be careful one and all and I love you.

Related post by Friend 1:
I changed a tire and peed on a building tonight. What up, bitches!!!

Friend 1's Friend: Lmmffao!!!!

Me: We were on the way to get her to her ride to the meeting ironically.

Friend 2: lmao

Friend 1: (Name), get a better grade.

Friend 3: At a loss...

Friend 4: You rock....you tire changing, building pisser! lol

Friend 5: (Friend 3), we appear to be having your luck tonight. Hope your evening is going well!

Friend 6: at the same time?

Friend 4: (Friend 1), your post made me remember something from my past that I hadn't thought of in a LONG time. lol. Read my status.

Friend 3: You don't want all of my luck... 2 flat tires at once. But I'm relieved none of you are injured!

Monday, May 25, 2020

PAST POST: Artists' Amusement Park

QUESTION: I am starting an amusement park for artists. What would you want to see? What do you think would draw folk in?

Person 1: Break down the concept for me. How do you mean, an amusement park for artists?


Friend 1: Giant building blocks! Foam ball pit; giant easel, brushes and paint guns
Me: I'm thinking a place that could be a haven and enjoyable place for artists of all types to come and perform/practice/experience their art to entertain/instruct/inspire others.

Person 1: Hm. Well a place for spoken word would be my immediate thought.

Me: Definitely! In my head we have taken over this old school near my house. In the school we could have independent restaurants and classes and rooms for graphic arts. Then outside have a street like atmosphere and musicians and poets could stand on "corners" and spread their words to get tips. Dancers and sculptors creating. Maybe the occasional renfaire stopping in... :)

Friend 2: Definitely a comfy space w/beverages for listening to the park's complete collection of Caedmon and other readings by old dead poets and writers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLlcvQg9i6c
W.B. Yeats reads The Lake Isle of Innisfree

Friend 3: the Salvador Dali egg hunt would be cool inside of a huge ass egg!

Friend 4: Lots of large sculptures
Friend 5: Dismaland
          Me: Except not as depressing :)

Friend 6: Giant canvases for tagging... and finger painting!

Friend 7: Like Banksy but more fun!

Me: Now I just have to come up with a couple million dollars for destruction (cuz the school I was looking at should probably just be torn down and stuff around it build to reflect the park). I need a name for the park though.
          Person 1: New Bohemia.
          Friend 1: Count me in on the Kickstarter! Can you get the whale the cheese, the shoe and the crooked house from Mother Gooseland? :)
          Me: I think only the whale is still there.
          Friend 1: "Save the Whale!"
          Friend 8: Artopia

Friend 9: I would love a tour through Dali's "Persistence of Memory" it could maybe start with generic old pics, and end in a mirror, or trick mirror of yourself.the clock would be ever-changing, of course!
          Me: or something that looked different from every angle

Friend 10: poetic zip line
          Me: Intrigued. Go on.
          Friend 10: sort of a tag team writing effort but up in the air.
          Me: I... am not sure how that would go.
          Friend 10: me neither lol

Friend 11: See Banky's amusement park
          Me: *Banksy?
          Friend 11: Yep, sorry, typo
          Me: it's cool. just wanted to make sure there wasn't another mysterious artist running around graffiti-ing things

Friend 11: Destructicon room
          Friend 11: And a room just covered in paper for paint splattering

Friend 12: It's gotta have no crowds. Only one person allowed in at a time.
          Me: that would be antithetical of an amusement park... but I suppose a small group could pay to have run of the park for an hour to give them a version of solitude if they paid enough.
          Me: Mind you, this isn't intended as a capitalist project so much as I would probably incur a lot of debt that I would want to be rid of as soon as I could, so charging would be the way to go.
Friend 8: DTM sessions with painting essentials ready
          Me: Isnt DTM illegal?
          Friend 11: DTM?
          DMT (my mistake I forgot the order of the letters):
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/N,N-Dimethyltryptamine
N,N-Dimethyltryptamine - Wikipedia

Friend 11: definitely street tattoo artists.

Friend 13: A trampolines park where you put a canvas on the trampoline, strip naked and cover yourself with paint, and bounce on the trampoline to create an artwork!

Friend 14: What about improv stations that determine where you go/what attraction or area of the park you discover next, as a larger plot unfolds in a story or compilation of stories that every guest helps create? :)

Friend 15: A library of poetry, fiction, & art books. And the room is filled with beanbag chairs & kitties.

Friend 16: Music and dancing.

Friend 11: Roaming Improv comics and musicians. And Mimes. MAYBE clowns

Friend 11: Ask Portland. See Burning Man

Sunday, May 24, 2020

PAST POST: Evolution and Respect 18/05/21

POST: I don't care what religion you follow, if you can't concede evolution is a possibility, I lose intellectual respect for you.

Friend 1: I had to

Friend 2: I talk about it all the time

Friend 3: Do you return the favor to theists? Darwin said that the theory of evolution cannot be proven credible until science proves it is possible to create life from nonliving matter. Not advocating for Creationism, just saying, those are his words.
          Me: Sure. When you discount a possibility that has not been disproven you stop thinking.
          Friend 3: Only if you choose to...
          Me: what i am saying is, if you cement an absolute belief that can never be changed, then you close yourself off from thinking about that belief again.
          Friend 3: Of course. I dont think anyone suggested otherwise.
          Me: Your comment: "only if they choose to" suggests that someone could still be open to new thoughts if they were committed to a belief. I just wanted to clarify
          Friend 3: Someone can still be open to new thoughts even if they are committed to a belief. People choose whether or not to close their mind to something. Thats a choice. People can also believe something very strongly but also be open to new ideas if new information was presented.

Friend 4: If you accept evolution, as currently presented, do you also accept that the octopodes are aliens, as the recent article suggests? Ackhams razor lets us choose between transgalacticpanspermia, hyper-rapid evolution of only one species, or creationism. The logical mind can eliminate the first two as less likely than the last.
          Me: I feel like the evidence is compelling about octopi. I don't know enough or have done enough research to know for sure.
          Friend 4: Can you clarify? You believe the evidence about octopodes is compelling in what way? You accept they must be aliens?
          Me: I am open to the idea that they could be
          Friend 4: So you find it more likely that octopus eggs were somehow launched into space from a distant planet, survived the rigors of space for thousands of years, then survived entry through our atmosphere and grew up to be octopodes. How is that easier to believe than creationism?
          Me: Because it is statistically more likely for extraterrestrial life to exist than an omnipotent single creator.
          Me: I am not even saying that a single creator is impossible, because i dont have proof it doesnt. I am just saying, with all of the galaxies around us there is more likely to be extraterrestrial life.
          Friend 5: We're all aliens. If there's some alien animals, I'd 100% buy it. Now... An invisible man in the sky watching my masturbation total rise daily?! Bwahahahahaaaaa I'm not THAT crazy.

Friend 6: Me too.

Thursday, May 21, 2020

PAST POST: What are you Passionate about? 19/05/21

Question: What are you passionate about? What emotions does that make you feel? Be specific.

Friend 1: I am passionate about cooking! I feel liberated and free when I cook because I cook for those I love!

Friend 2: I am passionate about photography. I feel relaxed and grounded when I’m looking through the lens of my camera.

Person: I haven't found one yet
          Me: sorry for your husband.
          Person: Well he does make me happy but i mean lie doing something that makes me happy i havent found one yet

Friend 3: I'm passionate about myth and lore. Looking into what makes a legend what it is, however commercial and fictional that lore may be.
          Me: If you think about it, the myths and lore that survive only survive because they have good marketing.

Friend 4: Writing - it makes me feel fulfilled, it feels like the culmination of my life's experience and effort. My personal relationships - they are literally the only thing that makes life worth living, that motivates me to continue not dying. Protecting the people I love - it's a raw, fierce instinct that just takes me over, and is probably the most stereotypically masculine thing about my personality.

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

PAST POST: Surprise Cat 19/04/21

POST: So... surprise cat this morning when I got home. They are lovely. I wasn't comfortable looking up their dress to determine genitals and they were too afraid to show off.

(I have more photos, but I need to find them)
ME: I know it looks like I am strangling the kitty, but they were purring. i needed multiple shots because the phone camera wasnt cooperating or the cat wasnt.

Friend 1: Kitty!

Friend 2: Cats...cooperating....? Hahahahahaha!
          Friend 3: Yes...I’m a cat person and can attest to the fact that “cooperating” is not a word that’s in the kitty dictionary.
          Me: i had to distract surprise cat with tapping for the third pic

Friend 4: Unless “they” are a genetic anomaly, they are a she. Almost all torties (tortoise shell cats) are females. I’m glad she’s found a friend!
          Me: she found her friends back outside. i started reacting allergicly almost immediately. :(
          Me: kitty DID feel female even without checking definitively
          Friend 4: Does she have a home? Where did she come from?
          Me: i remember seeing her outside. she probably isnt feral, she was afraid of me, but didnt fight too hard when i finally got a hold of her.
          Friend 4: she isn’t feral if you can get a hold of her.
          Friend 5: Our neighborhood has dozens of community cats that rarely stay put for a head pat but aren’t feral either.
          Person: If i was aloud i would come pick her up but after we had to give up our last 2 we dont want anymore atm

Friend 6: Torties are girls. Like my Sophy. (photo included in original post, Tortie cat)

Saturday, April 4, 2020

DREAM: Glider Crash 20/04/03

An Adrien-Brody-type wearing faded fatigues has his canvas duffel bag over his shoulder and is about to strike out on his own. He walks out of the barracks, grabs a black stocked military rifle. As he heads towards what appears to be a barren wasteland his commanding officer stops him.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"Pretty sure, yeah."
"Are you ready for what's out there?"
"Hrm?"

Suddenly there's a noise and the man drops his canvas bag and aims the rifle. He takes a shot and you hear something crack, like a clay pigeon. He takes another shot, same deal. He takes a third shot...

Follow the bullet into the sky. See it pass a white drone.

Something happens and a man riding a four-winged glider carrying four other men inside suddenly goes limp and starts sliding off of one of the front wings. This disrupts the glider's equilibrium. He barely grips as he slides off of the wing into oblivion.

See the scene again, the white drone is what killed the man and the bullet whizzed right by. A red trail clings to the glider wing in the man's stead. Before he drops off, he weakly says, "guide her down" and loses his grip, Gandalf-v-Balrog-style.

The four men inside look at each other with terror. It is me, Patrice O'neil (RIP), and a couple other whites, 2009 Jay Harrington, and a young Michael J. Fox.

Me and MJF each grab the emergency steering cords. We successfully guide the glider back to level. Then the four of us figure a water landing will be better and figure out how to guide the plane towards the bridge close by.

We approach the water at high speed. We are headed into a controlled shallow dive. Once we hit the ground, the bottom of the glider tears off and we skim along the water, weighing down the glider mostly as it comes to a stop. Unfortunately, Jay is injured and as we try to get him into the glider so we can get ourselves to the bridge, he slips off and sinks into the black water.

We lament loudly, but we need to get to the bridge. We push the glider toward the bridge. There's a wall where we can climb up and to some rocks and eventually to a busy road. I remember I have ¥170 for each of us for moments like these where the average misadventure might only cost ¥70 (wtf brain?!).

It's difficult to get up to the stairs that would take us up to where we could get help, but we do. I see cars whipping by on the freeway, but also bikes and scooters. The bridge doesn't look anything like I know of.

Patrice is sweating profusely. MJF is more rational and says we need to get a cab. None of us have a phone, but for some reason I now have a theatre sized cup of lemonade. We look at the expanse between where we are and the quick freeway. I hand the lemonade to Patrice.

He looks at me confused.
I say, "You look thirsty."

Sunday, March 29, 2020

DREAM: Andrew Yang and the Grocery Store

I went to an Andrew Yang Open mic.
Except it wasn't really an open mic.
Andrew was giving speeches and talking, but wasn't letting anyone else share anything.
When people would ask, he would say, "Don't you know what an open mic is? Sit down, I am talking."

This incited my anger, because he is defiling my show host sensibilities. I go down to the stage from my perch in the stands and yell, "what you're doing now is not an open mic, you're just giving speeches. If you want to just give speeches, fine, but don't call it an open mic."

He doesn't respond, but I am too angry to listen anyway. I storm back up the stands to get my stuff, ranting, "man, I supported him when he was running for president, but he's being a shit head right now."

My friend C is there (surprisingly because I have seen him once in the last 7 years). He has his sweet APKLPS car (black, stick shift, sports car). I say, "I'm hungry, let's go to a grocery store and get something." He agrees and we go.

We pull up and the entire experience is confusing. I am somehow without a shirt and I am wearing my house slippers, but no one seems to notice.

C and I go into the store and start picking up things. Basics. Snacks. What have you. There is something I throw into the shopping cart for me, he tossed it out and says, "no way" but I am stubborn and try to throw it back. He blocks my hand. I wait until he is far away. I fling the item like a frisbee and it hits inside the cart, but falls out through the cage bottom. "Whatever," I say and move along.

We each have our things at the self check out. He chooses one side, I choose the other side. Unfortunately, in front of me is a guy going unbelievably slow. I get impatient and ask "what's the problem?"

His groceries are just a bunch of tiny little candies and can't be scanned individually. So I say, put them in a bag and weigh them and scan that. He refuses saying, "but I only want this many and I want to pay for them individually." I have no time for this shit.

I get into C's line. C is finished. The store is about to close. I scan my stuff fast and am ready to pay with my card, but just as I am about to swipe ... the lights go out. Only small spotlights light up where I move and instantly shut back off when I move out of the small illuminated area. The entry pad is a mess, I don't recognize any of the buttons except the on button, but finally I am able to get my items paid for and we can leave.

We walk out of the store and to his car. It's snowing and I'm sliding, but finally able to get up the little concrete hill to C's car. I open the door and notice my bare legs. I ask, "Have I been shirtless, wearing only slippers this whole time?"

Monday, August 5, 2019

What If?

I almost didn't tell anyone (except Skylark and Steve and maybe my job because none of them are connected with me on FB) I was leaving for China.

I toyed with the idea of keeping it completely secret and doing everything else the exact same as I've done. So I would have replaced the Grand Tournament with the Bon Voyage party, but I would have called it something else... like "Writing Knights Summer Word Bash" or something.

I would have put all of the effort into getting people to come. Who knows, there might have been more people coming. We may have had poetry on the stage at  Makeshift instead of around the table. It might have been more community minded and less Az-centric. I might not have been the focus.

I didn't mind the Bon Voyage party being Az-centric and being the focus, I'm just what-ifing here.

There probably would have been more work on my behalf to put a more community minded show on. Definitely would have been more stressful.

I feel like, in a way, it would have been more poetic for me to put on this huge event, impressing upon everyone the importance of community and camaraderie, then a month later, I'm gone without a trace. 

Kind of Bilbo Baggins-esque. Disappear before everyone's eyes. 

Of course, now with Vertigo's passing, the timing would have been conspicuous. Vertigo dies, then Azriel leaves.

I'm just toying with the what-iffery. 

The reason I brought this up was I feel like we tend to take for granted the people around us. Far too often, we expect a person to be there always until suddenly they aren't, then we are in pain because we feel like one of our limbs has been removed. I felt that way when I found out Vertigo passed (technically I felt worse the day before, giving more credence to the idea that energy connection is real). It would have been a test for people and for myself if I hadn't told anyone.

I think in the end, I made the right decision. Not telling everyone would have been selfish and kind of a dick move and I wouldn't have seen as many people before I go as I have and will do. There would have been excuses and I wouldn't have a leg to stand on as far as getting people to agree to hang out with me without the impending departure.

Also, I'm glad I told everyone. It has shown me things I needed to see as far as my perceptions and expectations of people I care about. It has given me a sharper scope as far as how much things matter and to whom they matter.

I just found out for sure, I'm leaving August 25th at 5pm. For the three of you who read this, there is now an official clock to come see me. *laughs*

Azriel

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

In Memoriam - Vertigo Xi'an Xavier

Vertigo Xi'an Xavier is dead.

I don't know how it happened. I just found out about it a few hours ago.

I won't flap his business around, but he shared with me some of his issues. I don't know how it happened. I feel like I should.

I feel like a failure as a friend. I feel like I should have reached out to hang for nonpoet reasons more often. I wished he had some to my party a couple weekends ago so I could have seen him before I left for China.

A friend said, 'adult friendships are hard' and that's right, but I could have made more of an effort.

If you looked up 'lonely talker' in the dictionary, his face would be there. I only recently got Zen about that though and it only annoyed me when I was wearing shorts out in winter or in the summer when there were bugs biting. 

Other times, it was a joy to hear him speak. He got so passionate about his next release or the events he wanted to put together or attend. He was still so passionate, even when he realized the Stark County scene was stagnating.

I think the last time I saw him was a few months ago at one of the more recent sWord Fight showcases. Since then we discussed briefly getting his MOV (My Own Venue) project off the ground. He'd found a place in Akron and since my day job is with real estate he wanted to use my broker and for me to get a kickback. When/if I get back from China, maybe I'll do something in that respect and call it "Vertigo's" or something. Maybe that's just me being dumb.

Maybe I'll run for Emperor of the World and dedicate my win to him.

I keep thinking of people who might want to know, but who might not find out without being told. I tagged a shit load of people. Texted a few. Called one. I probably won't get them all. There were so many that he touched.

I keep thinking about his storage unit and how people are going to parse that out.

There was a tornado a little bit ago. Had to squash that shit.


I keep thinking about having a memorial open mic get together. He's got so many books to liquidate, the money should go to his family or something. Or maybe someone can somehow pull together grants for a scholarship, but I don't know how any of that shit works.

People keep calling him by his not-preferred name and it pisses me off, even though they didn't know him as VX and it's not my place to be pissed off on his behalf if he'd come to acceptance about it.

I keep looking at the first message and how vague it is. I want to know everything about his last moments, but that will probably be a mystery to me until I see his family. I only ever met one of his sisters, I think. I may have heard his dad in another room at one point. I am clueless.

It has taken me about an hour to write this much. I need to do something away from social media.

Bye.

Monday, July 8, 2019

Disjointed Word Vomit


I haven’t written in so long, I decided what I needed right now was a mental dump onto a white (red) screen and throw it up to the blog to let people know what’s going on. Excuse yourself if you don’t want to read any of my disjointed rantings.

I wonder how many times I’ll say I am bad at keeping up with writing blogs. At least once more. I’m pretty bad at keeping up with blogs. But I promised I would try and the China experience is one that is important as it’s probably the biggest thing I’ve ever attempted.

My current catchphrase is, I’m 2/3 excited and 1/3 scared shitless. This is pretty accurate. I’ve recently come across feelings of disorientation as I know this experience is going to be a culture shock for me. I’m going to be in a place I do not know, around people who are not mine (at least not at first) with my only friendly faces people I haven’t actually met in person. I know that a good portion of China speaks English, but there will still be a barrier there.

Contact informed me that white men, especially from America, tend to go a little crazy when they first get to China. They have given me examples that I can’t reveal, but the potentiality makes me a bit nervous, too. But I’ve never been typical when it comes to how I behave compared to other white men.

Nevertheless, I’ve been meditating almost every weekday. I’ve been trying to get in touch with and a handle on my emotions. I’m trying to be in touch with everything I’m feeling about everything.

I’ve noticed I’ve been really frustrated with my 9-5 job. It’s a job that I’ve wanted for the past… oh… seven years or so. It’s an office job where I spend my days doing different paperwork and organizing things as well as handling the social media for the office. The whole collection of tasks is overwhelming to say the least. I almost quit last week. I’ve just gotten fed up with the whole situation.

A blessing in disguise, I’ll be going down to part time next week. 9-1. This will give me more opportunity to take care of the tasks I want to have done by the time I leave. Remember the post about lists?  Two things on my list are getting the gallery inventory sorted out so Sky can just go and grab a book if it fits onto a shelf when it isn’t full, the other gallery related list item is to catch up on all of the other books that do not have all of the information listed in the database for post on a third party site for hopeful online purchases.

Those two list items are actually the things I should be working on now, but I have no patience for them… so here I am, typing away on a Word doc. I probably won’t edit anything so if you see typos or misgrammars I apologize, but not really.

I’ve gotten everything ready for getting my passport stamped and visa acquired. My flight to China is booked. I am 99% sure I leave August 25th. I have two 6 hour layovers, one in New York and one in Beijing with a 14 hour flight between them and about 90 minute flights from Cleveland to New York and from Beijing to Nanchang. It all seems doable. I am a little nervous about the flight because last time I flew, the pressure built up in my sinuses and it felt like my head was going to explode and it was only a few hour flight from Detroit to Florida. My sinuses give me fewer issues now, so maybe I’ll be alright. At any rate, I’m probably going to bring Benadryl with me to help put me in a mini coma for the long flight. In the interim, when I am awake, I just purchased Joe Hill’s book N0S4A2 (however you spell it). I’m expecting vampires, so, of course I’m in.

In writing developments, there are none. I haven’t written anything new for Dragon’s Bane and not much poetry at all since the China trip became an idea to follow. I haven’t lost interest in the series at all, I just have so much else to do that I don’t want to get distracted from it all. I know if I started focusing on the next novel, nothing else I wanted to get done would get done. Going 9-1 five days a week with mostly free weekends will be helpful in that respect, even if I have less money to spend on necessities, like a new laptop after I pay off my passport service bills.

The last thing I’ll write about, for now, is my party July 20. It’ll be the last thing I do at Makeshift probably because they are shuttering July 31st so the (probably) last Writing Knights thing August 9th will very likely be at the gallery. I’m excited to have a multitude of people come see me on 7/20. Hopefully we will get a good turn out and a lot of fun. I’m sad as hell that Makeshift is leaving, but that will be a good send off. I want to be surrounded in the loving energy of everyone from my past and present who makes the trip out to see me. I’m also worried as hell everyone is going to “forget” or say “something came up” or they “couldn’t get a ride.” I’m also afraid I’ll end up judging the people I really want to see, but don’t get to before I go.

In closing, what would you like me to write about next?
Leave a comment here or on social media or message me on FB, Twitter or Instagram.
I’ll try to make this a more regular thing.

Azriel